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No IDEA Whatsoever

Chris Farmer RSS / 12.09.2015. u 17:20

It's a mystery. Wrapped inside a pickle. On a ham sandwich.

On sale in Aisle 7.

The mystery is that I no longer know where I am when I go to the supermarket in Belgrade. Today, for example, I started out list-in-handed on a journey to IDEA in New Belgrade. I had received in the post a special Happy Birthday coupon for a 10% discount (on almost everything except what I wanted to buy I found in the fine print).

When I arrived, I found a large empty shell where IDEA used to be. It has been "in renovation" for several months now, so one supposes that this is a euphemism for "it's probably ok for you never to try here again." Resourcefully, I decided to pull out of the empty parking lot and dog-leg it into Roda next door.

Here is where the Mystery begins. At some point in recent history, IDEA bought Mercator. And Roda was a subset of Mercator. Therefore Roda should now be IDEA. But this syllogism, while looking very neat paper, does not necessarily follow the facts. So the supermarket I walked into was already a little perplexing to the inquiring mind.

It was still very Roda-Mercator-branded and very unIDEA-like on the inside. The aisles were as confusing as anywhere else. The shopping cart drivers were no more competent than anywhere else. It was becoming easier and easier for me to get confused as to where I was.

Then (more Mystery) you begin to notice that the products on the shelf are EXACTLY the same as in any supermarket anywhere in Serbia. You can go to Vero, Maxi, IDEA, or - is there any other? - somewhere else, and all the products are identical.

The brands are all the same: Vital, Polimark, Meggle, Ducat, Imlek, Stark, Bambi, Fricom, Nivea, Dove, Fa and a sprinkling of Dr. Oetker and Ben and Jerry's just for fun. As a consumer, I used to operate under the erroneous perception that if I went to THIS shop or THAT shop I would find something different. But this was foolish.

Now at Roda > Mercator > IDEA, all I could see was Vital, Polimark, Meggle, Ducat, Imlek, Stark, Bambi, Frikom, Nivea, Dove, Fa. True, there is another thread running through this: K-Plus. As far as I can deduce, K-Plus is a bargain-price alternative for Vital, Polimark, Meggle, Ducat, Imlek, Stark, Bambi, Fricom, Nivea, Dove, Fa. Only it is made out of semi-recycled plastic and semi-digested pet food.

Otherwise it's exactly the same.

Cart filled, I showed up at the checkout and (happily) found a short line. Unhappily the line was short because the cashier had her calculator out and various scraps of paper around her indicating that she was doing coupons. For a guy with a check and insufficient ID. I dug in for the wait. It was less than an hour.

When I was fully rung-up, I presented my IDEA card to collect points. She took it. Then I presented my IDEA birthday coupon, to get my popust.

"No," she said.
"?"
"We don't take those."
"But you took my IDEA card? This is an IDEA coupon."
"This is Roda, not IDEA."

Mystery. Pickle. Vital, Polimark, Meggle, Ducat, Imlek, Stark, Bambi, Fricom, Nivea, Dove, Fa. I was getting dizzy and a little worried. I stopped arguing, paid, and went. I am not sure how I got home.

And I do not know where I really was.

 

 

 

Shopping for more blogs by Chris Farmer? Check out The Standard Deviation

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Komentari (5)

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maksa83 maksa83 18:23 12.09.2015

Mr. Strummer!


Sorry we didn't recognize you!

I'm all lost in the suprmarket
I can no longer shop happily
I came in here for that special offer
guaranteed personality.




P.S. Guess they didn't play this in Iowa?
mr.fogg mr.fogg 18:26 12.09.2015

The Mystery

The mystery is that I no longer know where I am when I go to the supermarket in Belgrade.


Oh, man that really hurts. Supermarkets are the the most important trouble in the World. You should be happy if you have no other troubles.
maksa83 maksa83 18:34 12.09.2015

Re: The Mystery

Supermarkets are the the most important trouble in the World.

Great things happen there.

Like this guy who was fooling around with his buddy in Wallmart with a $5 toy guitar and had his life totally turned around when somebody put it on youtube and made him an instant celebrity.




P.S. 'De mi je Spiridon? Spiro, vidi šta radi $5 krš u rukah mandušićah vukah. Stivi Rej Von se smeši odozgo.
mr.fogg mr.fogg 19:36 12.09.2015

No IDEA Whatsoever

O čemu se tu radi?

Ko bi ga znao ... 90-ih godina Amerikanci su uspeli da se izbore za to da na njihovim košuljama etiketa, koja ih strašno svrbi, mora ili da se ukloni ili pomeri na neko drugo mesto. Uspeli su u tom zahtevu, jer njima je to bio najveći problem.

U to vreme, jedne zime, ja sam svojoj porodici, umesto plate, doneo kesu pomorandži. Uspeo sam u tome, jer meni je to bio najveći problem.

Izgleda da smo svi uspeli ... zato ne idem više u supermarket.
feliks.krul feliks.krul 11:45 15.09.2015

Worse things can happen...

..u gornjem manastiru Ostrog pojavio se lik Svetog Vasilija Ostroškog i to u trenutku dok je liturgiju služio mitropololit crnogorsko-primorski Amfilohije, javila je Šavnička eparhija. LINK B92

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